He asked to "fluff my boner.."
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
They took my balls.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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