By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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