the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
