Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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