fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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