I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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