Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She even gives head with a lisp.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
