you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
