id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
