so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
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