Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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