is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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