You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
