he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
