i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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