hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
