Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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