Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
