Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
