I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
