So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Terrible idea I love it
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
