remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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