I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just want to make out with him forever
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
