i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
