All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
