ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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