I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
