A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
