This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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