she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
