I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
