can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
