If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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