Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
i think im in europe. pls send help
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
