dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
