It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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