yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
