I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
