You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
