you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
