We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
