you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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