how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
