You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
