You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
