It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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