Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
