btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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