I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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