Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
