it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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