i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
